Suzanne Corbie

Letting Go seems to be the single hardest thing so many of us struggle with – and it can take a variety of forms: Letting go of winning an argument, of a first love, of past guilt, of regret, of the slight that person gave you a day/a week/a month/a year/years ago, that boyfriend/girlfriend that really did love you but had to leave, letting go of a loved one, of a child, of a cherished pet, of belongings, of the past.

We cling on to things that used to matter, that moved us, hurt us, broke us or built us and seem to get time warped into that moment for better or worse. When it is a good moment we hang on to – we try to replicate it and when that doesnt seem to work, we pass over opporunities because they aren’t so intense, passionate or just don’t come up to scratch. this can often leave us isolated, unhappy and lonely.

When it is a trauma we hold on to, we relive it over and over again as if somehow we might wear away the shock and the horror of it will diminish. We think how we could or should have acted, what we might have said but didn’t and how we might have behaved differently to effect a different kind of outcome. Even with trauma that was out of our control, we still blame ourselves for not having done enough or having allowed the trauma to happen.

When it is something we dont understand, such as why someone has left us/cheated us/lied to us; it’s as if we can’t let go until we have put it right or understood it even if understanding another’s perspective is no longer possible as they have moved away or passed on.

When we can’t let go of an argument or a slight, the actual thing that was said or done pales into insignificance in the face of the monster that the argument or slight evolves into. It becomes the obstacle to peace, the barrier to love and the obstruction to happiness and we appear unable to stand up to it – it holds us to ransom, rules our thoughts, our feelings and our capacity to love.

If we watch the seasons change, see the leaves fall from the trees and the plants lose their blossoms, if we wait through the frozen ground for the first shoots to appear and see the leaves once again appear on the trees and if we watch the sun rise and set to be followed by the moon rising and setting and the tides of the seas moving inland and slipping away again – if we watch, listen and observe, we can see that change is all we have that is permanent! Nothing stands still; fruit left alone decomposes, water becomes stagnant, mountains grow and the earth moves about. And in between all this change we live and die and we know that happens. So why do we try to hold on so much to a moment, a person, a thing or a feeling? Are we trying to exert some control over things that are outside of our control? Or can we just not accept that we cannot have our own way/that life has simply not gone the way we would have preferred it?

One thing is for sure, in our own way, each and every one of us faces these kinds of challenges many times in our lives. But how can we face up to these moments so that we are not left regretting our actions or left longing for some kind of reprieve or re-run so that there could be a different outcome? How can we stop ourselves from blaming others, desiring revenge and ending up bitter and angry?

There are five hurdles we have to cross to enable us to let go. The first challenge to face is Truth. We have to be brave enough to face the truth of the situation however unpleasant or difficult that may be. The truth of something we have done or what others have done or said, the truth of the situation; that someone no longers wants to be with us, no longer is living, that we no longer have the status or riches that we once had. We can write it down in black and white – in all its horror and fear – one sentence to say the truth of what we have lost, what has gone wrong, what has happened. And then read those words back and absorb them. I said this, she said that, he made that happen, she has gone. That is the truth of it.

And then we need to accept it. Just accept it as part of the life/death process of change that is our life on this planet. People come and go, sometimes they are in our lives for a short while and sometimes, for much longer. People, pets and things can be a part of our lives or they can leave our lives – with or without our agreement. We need to accept a person’s free choice of choosing whether or not to be with us, to accept that death is part of life and to accept that sometimes we as much as others, do not always act in the most noblest of ways.

Forgiveness is the next hurdle. This is a biggie! Whatever the situation, when it happens to you, it’s harder to understand, harder to forgive and then it follows naturally, harder to let go. Some consider forgiveness a weakness, that to forgive is to say that what happens didnt matter and didnt count. That if you forgive, you are saying that it is ok for someone to hurt you and steal from you. But what is it we actually need to forgive and why? Whatever happened belongs to the past and holding anger and bitterness only hurts one person – you! Sometimes we just dont know why things didnt work out or may never get to the bottom of why someone has behaved the way they did – and when that happens we just need to accept that is the truth of the situation and let it be what it was. Forgiveness applies to us too, we need to forgive ourselves for not doing the right thing, for not getting there in time to say goodbye, for not being there for them – whatever it was, forgive the part of you that didnt mean to hurt, that didnt know any better, that didnt understand. And forgive that part of the other person that didnt know either. We only see life from our own personal perspective and that is not always the whole story.

Love comes with forgiveness; a love of our life and ourselves – if we can forgive ourselves and let go of guilt and regret, we can allow love into our lives again and feel worthy of another’s affection. When we forgive others, we can love them for the best of what they are rather than the worst – we may never forget, nor should we if we wish to turn our challenges into learning curves, but in forgiving, we allow others and ourselves the opportunity to get it wrong, to choose a different path and free will to do what we think is best. Forgiving ourselves and others when death takes away any opportunity to ‘put it right’ allows the love that we have or once had to flow again despite mistakes or misdeeds. To allow love for what might have been, could have been but simply didnt make it.

And with love comes understanding. As we allow love to enter our hearts, we understand that everyone is different, that people and things come and go just like the seasons and that all we can do in a world of change is to face each day with an open heart and mind, free of guilt, regret and pain and embrace the season for what it is; spring, summer, autumn or winter; whether we are young or old, rich or poor, in favourable or unlucky circumstances, if we live in the moment and are grateful for all we have and with love, are able to let go of all things in our lives that have held us back or hurt us – every day becomes a new beginning and a new possibility.

Here in England, the winter solstice is tomorrow afternoon and as I collected the holly and ivy from a very frosty wood this afternoon to decorate the shrines in my home, I wondered, after such a hard year, how many of us will feel able to bring the child of promise to birth from ourselves. It is one thing to celebrate the return of the Sun’s warmth in the middle of the winter but how do we shed light on our own darkness and bring spring to our own winters?

Each year at this time, pagans celebrate the return of the Sun and in the western hemisphere in the middle of long dark cold nights, it is a welcome thought that the days will begin to grow longer and the warmth will begin to make its way back to our part of the world, even if it will take a while before we really notice it!

It is also most welcome to see the lights that we decorate our homes with as we journey home, the candles and fires we light within our homes and the desire to be with loved ones in the midst of the darkest part of the year.

For many people though, this year has been particularly harsh; not only have many lost jobs and homes, had pay cuts yet worked longer hours and struggled to find a positive way forward – there are those fighting a war in another country which will mean many families without their sons and husbands, wives and daughters maybe for Christmas, maybe forever.

For many there is no return of the Sun. It could be spring or summer, morning or afternoon but in some hearts there is only darkness. We cannot see beyond our own pain, loss and despair. The sun rises and it doesn’t promise change. Our pain remains the same. Our loss cannot be replaced. Sometimes we focus on who is to blame. Anyone but us. Sometimes we mourn, sometimes we rage and sometimes we give in and give up. It is a truth that some losses need a time to mourn and a time to rest in the dark before we can emerge again, reborn. Some sorrow requires more than time to recover from. But how long that takes us depends largely on how much we seek the light within. Without acceptance, forgiveness and understanding, we cannot bring our sun to birth. Without taking responsibility for our actions and allowing others their own responsibility – accepting the seasonal changes in our lives of birth and death and all the seasons in between becomes harder and the longer it is difficult, the less likely a rebirth will happen.

‘Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain’ is a quote by Vivian Greene springs to mind. That we should start learning to live with our sorrow, accept it and integrate it into ourselves, so that it becomes part of us but not who we are; that each day we take one step forward towards acceptance and understanding and seeking our inner light – our inner wisdom. That despite our loss and pain, we can still live and love, share our thoughts and our feelings, learn and grow and connect with others, the seasons and the earth we all share. And if we can still do all that, perhaps a little each day with a true heart – perhaps that is a path that can lead us back to our own rebirth.

When the sun rises on the solstice and the frost sparkles in its light, let us trust in the season and know that it cant rain all the time and that seasons will change, within and without – we just have to let them.

Well we tried. We tried very hard. And we didnt do too badly. And it was so very complicated and confusing so we were never going to get a clear outcome. Yes, it was the UK election and my tarot group were trying to predict the outcome. As it happened we did predict a Conservative win and a lib dem coalition with them – it just took us a while to get there. The conservative cards showed a great deal of hard work to keep in power and also, once they got there. The lib dems had cards that showed them grinning from ear to ear so you can imagine our surprise next morning, when they were all so glum and had lost so many seats. I was still mulling this over as the news began to change and within a couple of days, here we were with a new kind of government, the likes of which many of us have never seen. Who says these arent changing times??

Thinking about what actually would make the Lib Dems happy (was it power, more seats or just the chance to change the voting system) and seeing the outcome (who could have predicted that? Well apart from us!) reminded me of a tarot reading I did last year for a young man setting out on his career path as a musician. His cards didnt indicate the greatest success in the world, but he certainly looked like he would be happy. Before I said anything, I asked him what success meant to him – was it fame and fortune – a kind of X Factor fame; or was it making a living. I told him of a rock musician I know locally who frequently sings in our pub on the beach. He’s been singing and playing for years and in the middle of one song he shouted out, ‘take that mamas and papas!’ I wondered what he meant and when he came over to the bar for a drink I asked him. He said that in the sixties he had toured with the famous ‘mamas and papas’ band and they had barely acknowledged his presence. they had fame and fortune but hadnt lasted long in the spotlight. He, on the other hand, had enjoyed much less fame and fortune but was still being the authentic musician and singer that he was and had been for his entire life. He had a point.

Asking ourselves what we really honestly want when we set out on our new projects/jobs/careers is crucial to our future happiness. Do we want a job that gives us the money to do the things we want or are we willing to trade that in for a job that is fulfilling and rewarding? Few of us are lucky enough to have both and I imagine quite a number of us have had to make a few sacrifices and compromises along the way. I once read that if you sought fame and fortune and that is what you got, you shouldn’t complain when your privacy was invaded, your friends abandoned you and relationships became all about trying to see through people who wanted to know you because of your fame and your fortune. I can understand why many choose to be happy with earning a living the way they want, without the ‘price tag’ that comes with fame and fortune.

It’s also important to be realistic about your chances of success. How good are you at what you do? How big is your market? How are you going to let them know what you do? These may sound like marketing questions for a new business but if we apply them to ourselves they become tools for our self awareness. How ‘good’ we are at what we do becomes how well do we love what we do, have learnt our trade, have practised and grown and have experience in our field and how honest can we be to ourselves about that? How big is our market becomes how many people do we think could use our services/products, how much do we depend on what another says about what we do, how much do we care about what people may say about us?

Richard Bach says in ‘Illusions’ – ‘live never to be ashamed of anything that is written or said about you – even if it isn’t true’. I guess if you are seeking fame and fortune, that saying would not go amiss!

Here in England, the winter solstice is tomorrow afternoon and as I collected the holly and ivy from a very frosty wood this afternoon to decorate the shrines in my home, I wondered, after such a hard year, how many of us will feel able to bring the child of promise to birth from ourselves. It is one thing to celebrate the return of the Sun’s warmth in the middle of the winter but how do we shed light on our own darkness and bring spring to our own winters?

Each year at this time, pagans celebrate the return of the Sun and in the western hemisphere in the middle of long dark cold nights, it is a welcome thought that the days will begin to grow longer and the warmth will begin to make its way back to our part of the world, even if it will take a while before we really notice it!

It is also most welcome to see the lights that we decorate our homes with as we journey home, the candles and fires we light within our homes and the desire to be with loved ones in the midst of the darkest part of the year.

For many people though, this year has been particularly harsh; not only have many lost jobs and homes, had pay cuts yet worked longer hours and struggled to find a positive way forward – there are those fighting a war in another country which will mean many families without their sons and husbands, wives and daughters maybe for Christmas, maybe forever.

For many there is no return of the Sun. It could be spring or summer, morning or afternoon but in some hearts there is only darkness. We cannot see beyond our own pain, loss and despair. The sun rises and it doesn’t promise change. Our pain remains the same. Our loss cannot be replaced. Sometimes we focus on who is to blame. Anyone but us. Sometimes we mourn, sometimes we rage and sometimes we give in and give up. It is a truth that some losses need a time to mourn and a time to rest in the dark before we can emerge again, reborn. Some sorrow requires more than time to recover from. But how long that takes us depends largely on how much we seek the light within. Without acceptance, forgiveness and understanding, we cannot bring our sun to birth. Without taking responsibility for our actions and allowing others their own responsibility – accepting the seasonal changes in our lives of birth and death and all the seasons in between becomes harder and the longer it is difficult, the less likely a rebirth will happen.

‘Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain’ is a quote by Vivian Greene springs to mind. That we should start learning to live with our sorrow, accept it and integrate it into ourselves, so that it becomes part of us but not who we are; that each day we take one step forward towards acceptance and understanding and seeking our inner light – our inner wisdom. That despite our loss and pain, we can still live and love, share our thoughts and our feelings, learn and grow and connect with others, the seasons and the earth we all share. And if we can still do all that, perhaps a little each day with a true heart – perhaps that is a path that can lead us back to our own rebirth.

When the sun rises on the solstice and the frost sparkles in its light, let us trust in the season and know that it cant rain all the time and that seasons will change, within and without – we just have to let them.